


she was happy

by starryflower



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: DRUNK ON GINGER SWEETS I WISH I COULD DO THAT, I WROTE THIS WHILE DRUNK TO MAKE IT AUTHENTIC OKAY, can she be happy, give me happy thirteen back pls i need her to be happy, hell she doesnt deserve this torture and sadness and chibnall did this to her, i know i wanted her to be sad and snap but i dont want it anymore, i love she, i want to hug that bitch, she is my wife, spoilers: she wasnt happy, thirteen gets DRUNK, thirteen is depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:48:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23435692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryflower/pseuds/starryflower
Comments: 5
Kudos: 40





	she was happy

Ginger.

It was the bloody ginger making her feel this way. She could feel herself smiling, her feet jumping around from place to place as if gravity didn’t tie her down to the ground with invisible strings. She felt as if she could fly; invincible, carefree, happy. She felt happy. 

She’s forgotten what happy felt like. 

She wasn’t drunk, being drunk was for humans, no. She was just on cloud nine, enjoying the ecstatic feeling of joy; one that her hearts haven’t felt in such a long time. 

She took another ginger sweet, savouring the buzz it gave her. Her head was spinning a bit, and everything was muted down yet so loud, something she couldn’t quite comprehend. The world was turning and still and she felt herself melting away, becoming one with the chaos that was the universe. 

“Woah there, easy Doc,” she heard someone say as she lied down in the grass, looking up at the spinning world. 

She could feel someone else lying down next to her, eyeing her with a worried gaze. “You okay?” 

Yaz. Of course, it was her. Her brilliant, wonderful Yaz, always so quick to notice, always the one to ask the questions, always the one to care the most. She turned to face her, Yaz’s eyes examining her, that concerned look on her face almost pulling her out of her good mood. 

“Yeah, of course, I’m okay, I’m the king-queen, of okay,” she smiled, biting down on the sweet in her mouth, a warm fuzzy feeling slowly going through her entire body. 

She closed her eyes and tried to enjoy the spin, the way that her limbs didn’t want to cooperate with her, feeling heavier and heavier by the minute. She could feel herself getting lighter and heavier, everything that the fam was trying to say to her became nothing but background noise. 

She wanted to laugh, she wanted to dance, she wanted to explore, go on an adventure. The world, no, the universe was at her reach, she could just grasp it in her hand. She could go and see it all, explore all the hidden corners of the universe, see the stars being born. She could be happy. 

She laughed out loud, opening her eyes to see her tree humans looking at her, all confused. Honestly, they should just let her be, they were the ones always complaining. They were always like “Doctor, you’re quiet,” or “Doctor, you’re in a mardy mood.” 

They should be happy that she was laughing. 

“What?” she laughed once more, her eyes twinkling, wide and wild as if they were looking for stimuli, for something to look at and get lost in, for something to explore. 

“You’re acting weird again,” Ryan said, his eyebrows knitted in confusion. 

She didn’t understand his comment. She was happy. She was laughing, smiling, she was doing everything right. They should be happy about it. They should be like “there she is, back to her old self.” They should want to be around her now that she’s happy again. 

But was she actually happy? 

They got into the Tardis without another word. She was not in the mood to explain herself and they were beyond confused about what was happening. “Do you think she took something?” 

That was the first thing Ryan said after getting back to the Tardis. The Doctor was doing some maintenance in the console room and the humans went on their merry way to one of the kitchens, drinking tea and eating biscuits. Usually, the Doctor would join them and eat all the custard creams she could find, but she stopped once they met the Master. 

They could see her slipping away, becoming a stranger. Of course, they didn’t know much about her before that happened, but they knew she was their friend. Now? Not so much. 

They didn’t know what happened and she wouldn’t talk to them. She became distant and they didn’t know what to do. They tried at first, asking her if everything was okay. She never gave them a proper answer, always acting like she was fine when everyone knew she wasn’t. 

So they gave up. 

“I don’t know what she could take though, all she had were those sweets and she hasn’t left our sight since she picked us up,” Graham noted, drinking his tea slowly. 

“I don’t know, don’t like it. She’s been acting strangely for a long time now.” 

“Yeah, and she never tells us anything, Yaz,” Ryan said, looking at her sharply. 

They all knew she was acting weird. But what was the point in trying when all she did was run away? 

“Someone should check up on her though, don’t want her to disappear on us again.” 

“I’ll go,” Yaz said, getting up from her chair. 

She knew that Graham meant her when he suggested that idea and she also knew that neither one of them was about to go after her. They all knew how she felt about that eccentric alien that fell into their lives and they knew that out of the tree, she was the closest to the Doctor. 

“Good luck,” Ryan nodded, knowing that it would most likely end up like it always did – nothing would happen. 

The Doctor was sitting outside, propped up against the Tardis. She could feel herself sobering up, she thought slowly creeping in through the shield made of daze and fake happiness. She could feel herself slipping away, her mind filling up with the burned hills of Gallifrey. 

Everything you know is a lie. 

She shut her eyes, trying to make the Master in her mind leave. He didn’t, of course, he didn’t leave. She sighed, trying her hardest to keep her breathing steady. 

“Doctor?” she heard a voice from above and looked up to see Yaz. 

Her wonderful, brilliant Yaz. 

“Hi Yaz,” she smiled weakly, closing her eyes once more. 

Yaz sat down next to her, letting the Doctor rest her head against her shoulder. She looked tired, Yaz noticed, like she hasn’t slept in weeks. The smile on her face has disappeared and has instead been replaced with a small frown, the corners of her lips turning down a bit. 

“We’re all worried about you, you know?” Yaz said, noticing the blonde tense up. 

“I’m sorry,” she replied, her lip trembling a bit. 

The Doctor felt herself slipping. She was sober, her mind was clear and yet, it was clouded. She felt all of her emotions intensify, the dark cloud becoming bigger and grander in mass, wrapping her up, not letting any sunlight in. 

Yaz heard a small sob and looked down in horror. The blonde that was resting her head against her shoulder, the one that made armies turn, the one that never stopped, the one that was unafraid, the one that was kind and frightening, the one that stole her heart. 

She was rested up against her ship, crying. Tears ran down her cheeks and she couldn’t stop them. She was the Oncoming Storm, the Bringer of darkness, the Destroyer of worlds. 

And yet, there she was. She curled up on herself, hugging her knees, trying to become as small as possible. They were gone, Gallifrey was gone and she was alone once more. 

She could imagine Yaz’s pity, how she would tell the other humans about how weak she was. 

And then Yaz put her hand around her and held her tighter, letting her cry for as long as she needed.


End file.
